| I'm Back!!!! |
[14 Jan 2008|03:21pm] |
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Hi everyone!!! I'm back. Wow...it's been FOREVER since I've been on here. Well, I'm at work right now so I can't talk too much, but I will definitely be posting more a little later on. I can honestly say, though, that even through all of my tough times, the light at the end of my tunnel has begun to shine (a litte). Anywho...I will tell you all more later!!! I'm glad that I'm finally back!!! :)
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| Things are... |
[18 May 2007|02:29pm] |
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Well...things couldn't be any better...we are finally 2 of the most happiest people on the face of the earth right now...things have been tough...but I always knew that we would be able to get through anything...as long as our love prevailed...well...can't talk too much right now...I've got to get this damn work done...but I need to stay out of meetings long enough to do this...LOL
All my love!!!
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| Why today??? |
[27 Apr 2007|10:10am] |
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My Chemical Romance |
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Why does it have to rain today????? I'm already tired...I've only had an hour and a half of sleep!!!! This damn rain is just making it worse b/c it's helping me to fall asleep at my desk!!!! I have plans in 2 hours so hopefully I will be able to wake up a little. But it sure would be nice to kick off these boots, lay down and take a lllooonnnggg nap!!!! Well...I've got to get back to work...
All my love forever!!!
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| Nothing too new as of late... |
[23 Apr 2007|12:45pm] |
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"Every Time I Close My Eyes" by Babyface |
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Anywho...I know that I wrote you earlier and told you that things were calming down and okay. Well...they still are, but I sit and wonder if everything will be better once we are back in Michigan. I mean...I do believe it will be, but the thought is there! I have all the confidence in the world that it will...but I still think about it...just as my baby did when he moved out here with me. Look for the worst - hope for the best...that's what he always told me! But anywho...right now my baby is home laying down...his back is killing him! I can't wait to go home and rub him down. I rubbed his back a little just a while ago when I stopped at home during my lunch break. I even told him my idea of contacting the Air National Guard...I can sign up for a part-time career and still work full time. I know deep down that my baby can hold a job...but I feel like if I force too much on him, it will only push him away. However, I need steady money coming into my home b/c of all of my bills. One income alone to support the both of us is VERY difficult!!! I mean...I already have a loan out on my 401K and I had to sell some of my stocks just to make ends meet. Pathetic...I know. But what other option do I have??? So...I've decided, since I keep putting applications in EVERYWHERE and not getting any kind of response (and the paper job is killing us)...I've decided that a $10K sign on bonus might come in VERY handy for a part-time status. And who knows...maybe they can help me through school (since I've wanted so badly to go back)! And if that all pans out...then I can pay my bills off and be able to live comfortably! :) God...I wouldn't know what to do with myself!!!! Me with money in my pocket!!!! WOW!!!! LOL....sorry, I'm just cracking myself up over here!!! :) But seriously...it would be nice to live comfortably for once! My baby even said that if there is something that even he could do (and not kill himself doing it...LOL) than he would even consider it also. I hope so b/c I am soooooo tired of struggling and being broke and not getting anywhere in this miserable life of mine! I truly believe (and I'm being honest) that the only thing in life that I look forward to anymore is waking up and seeing my baby's beautiful face and knowing that when I get home from work every day, I'm still going to see that face! :) Well...I have some more work to do so I am going to leave here for now. I will def be back soon! :)
All my love forever!!!
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| Small and quick... |
[23 Apr 2007|08:43am] |
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None Yet! |
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Here's a small and quick update...my fiance and I are (once again) trying to work this whole ordeal out and he's not moving back home out of state. He says that he is deeply in love with me and needs me...and believe me...the feeling is VERY mutual!!! But we have to figure something out b/c these "fits" are really going to tear us apart! Well...I will def write more later b/c I have so much more to tell...
All my love forever!
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| Like a bird...you fly away! |
[22 Apr 2007|08:19am] |
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So how do I go about doing this???? Wow...well...the love of my life I think has problems beyond anyone's wildest dreams. His attitude and personality changes quite frequently and I am the only person here to have to deal with it. Like I told you before...my fiance moved here from out of state and it's not that he's not friendly...but he doesn't like it here and I think (more or less) he chooses not to befriend anyone. I mean...I don't have many male friends anymore, but the one friend that I do have...he's somewhat close to. He was supposed to go with this one friend yesterday, but he decided at the last minute that he didn't want to go. He told this friend that he was ill...but he did it so that he and I could have the most beautiful and amazing night together Friday night. Oh God!!! And it was way more that just beautiful!!!! It was hot, erotic, and awesomely fucking amazing!!!!!! We started our night with a little "recreational attribute" and ended up fucking all night long until 3:00am yesterday!!!! :) So you see...there would have been no way that my fiance would have been able to go with our friend from 9am until midnight...LOL...So we decided that since the weather was just beautiful yesterday...we went out for 4 hours and went fishing. We came home and then all hell broke loose. He started cooking dinner and then b/c I swatted at our cat to get off the table...he decided to throw the dog's bone at it. Well...it knocked over a glass and all I did was tell him...I didn't yell at him or even give him a problem...I just told him that he knocked over the glass and it spilled all over his playstation notes...big deal...it's not like he can't just re-write them...well...that started this whole fiasco. Then he starts screaming at me so I ignore him...then that just pissed him off...he went back on his kick that he was leaving and going back to his homestate. And by the way that he was acting...it was like a couple of months ago when he was drunk...so I told him that he was drunk and he shouldn't have had that other 6-pack...God!!! That just started the next World War!!!! He started packing all of his shit up...he told me that I was too overweight for him and then he threw all of my bullshit and drama in my face! That hurt!!! Big time!!! I didn't know that he WASN'T drunk! But he completely acted the same way as when he was before!!! I don't know what else to do now. He said that when I leave for work, he was packing up all of his belongings and that he will go outside and hide out and wait for his parents to come get him. He said that he will hide so good that even I won't be able to find him. My one friend said that I should let hime go...she said that if he truly loves me then he and I will be together again. But the thing is...my fiance doesn't date the same person twice. I've gotten to know that much about him. Well...he's awake now so I guess he and I should talk. I will write more later.
All my love forever!
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| There is only a spec of light at the end of the tunnel... |
[19 Apr 2007|10:41am] |
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We Can Last Forever by Chicago |
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Okay...well...I will def keep this short...Obviously I didn't get the chance to write in here last night b/c I was super tired after a long day here at work. Anywho...I'm actually really excited for my baby! Our friend called my house last night and said that he was def going to pick my man up Saturday morning and was going to keep him out ALL DAY LONG!!!!!! :) I'm really excited b/c my baby just needs to get out and get away...go do his "boy" thing...I'm always there and I know that it's not the same. I can call anybody and go to their house, but he has to stay there b/c not only does he not have his L's...but he really doesn't know anybody around here. So when our friend called last night, he said that he wants my man to go out with him all day this Saturday...I couldn't wait to say "Okay...I'll make sure that he's ready!!!" LOL...I know that I'm sounding silly, but God...it felt really good to hear my baby say that he couldn't wait!!!! :) Ya see...when my baby moved here to NJ to be with me, he knew that he was leaving many behind...I never asked him to, but he insisted...he wanted a change...Then things started going wrong in my life and my baby still stood there by my side...he said that he couldn't go back and leave me here...we've been through MANY trials and tribulations...and sometimes it may not seem it, but we're still here...loving each other just as much as when we first moved in together! :) I love him deeply and he knows it...and I know that he loves me deeply...but sometimes we just need to get away from each other and I'm glad that he is finally getting out!!! :) Anywho...I will pick this up a little later on...Gots to get some more work done! :)
All my love forever!!!
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| What doesn't kill you...only makes you stronger... |
[18 Apr 2007|05:00pm] |
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So these are the words that a really close friend of mine said to me today...and to tell you the truth...he's right. Nothing has "killed" me yet...and in reality, my bullshit ordeals should really make me a stronger person with a lot to fight for. I guess it really kinda felt good, also, to talk to my friend b/c at least I can say that there are other people out in the world who really do have it a lot worse than I do. Christ...he slept in his pickup truck for 2 months and tried to get little side jobs here and there just to have gas money and food. At least I had a roof over my head and a little food in my place. But we got to talking and I told him that my honey (my fiance) really just needed to get away for a little while. I told him that I would give him gas money and beer money. And being that he is somewhat close to my baby...he has no problem doing it. You see...my honey only has me and I only have him and when we have bad days...well...we sort of take it out on each other and then things are said that aren't meant at all. It's a huge caotic ordeal that always ends up with someone hurting pretty bad inside. And that's not fair! My baby is a great guy...and he knows it...but he's never had to go through the bullshit that he's going through with me. I wish that he didn't have to go through it, but he is. I would love to just write in here and actually use his name, but the last time I had an account and did that...he threw a shit fit!!! So...then again...I guess it's better that I keep everyone's names out of here. It avoids a whole lot of bullshit and un-necessary drama! LOL :) Anywho...my day has been a little tiresome, as I have been trying so hard to come up with the money to get my car out of repo before Friday. So far...I have come up with 3/4 of the money that I need. It's only tiresome b/c I know that I am going to have to work my ass off to pay all of this money back - plus interest!!!! It's hard work, but someone's got to do it right? LOL...anywho...I'm gonna end this for now. I'm gonna try to pick up here later on and finish about the rest of my day later. If not...I will talk more later on!
All my love forever!!! xo
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| God...does the insanity ever end??? |
[17 Apr 2007|01:30pm] |
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Everything Changes by Staind |
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Okay...so I'm back...and now I need to vent!!!! So yesterday, my car got repossessed for a mere one month of non-payment. When I called the dealership, the guy told me that he made a note in my file that I had called and told them that I would pay 2 months this upcoming Friday. So I asked him why then did my car get repo'd after just 1 month and the note in my file...he told me that he has no control over that b/c his finance department is an outside agency. He said that they don't make phone calls and just repo. WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT????!!!!!! (deep breath) Anywho...it's going to cost me $700 to get it out of repossession this Friday so not only am I not going to have a paycheck, I also had to sell off 26 of my 48 shares of stock. Well...my financial advisor just informed me that my stocks are being sold this afternoon and I won't have my check until the middle of next week. God!!!! Why am I being punished????? So now do you see why I have decided to open this all back up here on livejournal? I just tried to call my fiance to inform him of this and he's not answering the phone so I don't know if he's asleep or on the phone. So...if that check won't be here til next week, how the hell am I supposed to get my car back this Friday? God...I am so fucking pissed, stressed out, everything!!!! The killer is...is this is my fault. I screwed up my finances and look at the outcome. My world is just falling apart around me. The only thing that I really and truly have is my fiance. But even still...this one mistake may have cost me my relationship with him also. Only time will tell. He says that he still loves me and that he's not going back to Michigan without me, but again...only time will tell. I don't know how I could have overlooked this costly mistake, but I did. I feel so drained...so worn out...so exhausted...I have never felt so alone before in my entire life. First I gain one of the best men I have ever known, then I lose custody of my son, I face prison time, I continuously go back and forth to court, my job is in jeopardy, I am broke, my car gets repo'd...what more could possibly happen in my life??? Now do you see why I re-entered the life of livejournal??? My fiance doesn't need any extra bullshit in his life right now...he's trying to get through this big ordeal that I just fucked up! And I don't need to give him a reason to leave me here in New Jersey as he goes about his life back in Michigan. I need him...not just b/c I love him, but b/c he's my rock and my foundation...without him, I probably would have gone back to a lot of really bad habits and would probably be on my way 6 feet under. And he knows it...he's a strong man with a really big heart. I love him and will always love him forever!!! Well...enough said here...I've got a lot of financial bullshit to figure out right now!
All my love forever!!!
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| Well...I'm back... |
[17 Apr 2007|12:15pm] |
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I'm finally back on here and now I can write away when things get rough so that I'm not taking anything home with me. :) That's actually a good thing b/c I always seem to upset the one person that I love the most...my fiance, Jason. I don't mean to do it but it always seems to happen. But he says that's b/c he doesn't like to see me upset. But anywho...I'm not home so I guess I should get off of here for now and, although things seem okay for now, I will probably be back on later. :)
All my love!!!!
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